thinkparamount

It's been a while

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 21:20:21 GMT

I havent updated in a while. I have had such a stressful week and a half. I will be updating soon.

Strange Anxiety

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 01:33:39 GMT

Today in the library while studying for my PSYC test I suddenly had a mini panic attack. My heart started racing and I started feeling really nervous. I have never experienced anything like that before. I dont know what is going on with me.

Yawn

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 01:22:31 GMT

It's sleppy time. Nite nite.

Bowling Again

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 01:04:52 GMT

So I went bowling again tonight and it was a totally different experience. I feel so good right now. My roommate wasnt able to go with me because she had a test so I didnt have to deal with her negativity. The rest of the prople in the bowling club were so nice to me. The president spent so a lot of time with me teaching me the steps and they complemented me everytime I did good job. I am still not a great bowler but I feel so much better about the experience. All the positive reinforcement made me feel so good. I am not saying I cant handle a little criticism but she just being overly nasty for no real reason especially considering it was my very first time bowling and I did better than her. I love the people in the bowling club and whe we go there again (me and my rommie that is) I am gonna try to distance myself from her and her negitivity. I dont want to hurt her feelings so how do I tell her I dont want to bowl with her because she is too nasty?

I Feel Better Today

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 23:44:53 GMT

For the past couple of days I have been feeling really down because of my over consumption. I am doing better today, I managed to control myself today (so far) and I feel very good about myself. If only I be like this everyday my life would be a little better. I am only 5ft 4 and I weigh close to 155lbs right now and I know that is way too much. I used to be a slim 126lbs. I dont know what happened. I dont know how I let myself get this way. I am so ashamed of myself.

OK New Plan

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:33:59 GMT

I am trying to come up with a better way of losing weight. I go to the gym early in the morning so there is no excuse and I can see my workouts are having an effect becasue I can see my arms and legs becoming more toned but I cant seem to lose the weight. I know the main reason if not the only reason I am not losing weight is because I overeat. I am good with waiting until I am actually hungry to eat but I when I start eating I just have a hard time stopping until the plate is empty. So I am just gonna start throwing food away before I start eating and see how that works. I dont like wasting food but I like being fat either.

I Feel Horrible

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:11:47 GMT

No matter how hard I try I just cant stop overeating. I want to slim down but I continuously eat when I am not hungry and overeat at meals. I am so sick of myself.

Bowling

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 01:05:03 GMT

So today I went bowling with my roommate. Ummm I did ok considering it was the first time I bowled. I actually did better than her but for some reason now I feel really anxious. I mean there was something she said that made me feel really weird. I really dont know what to make of it. I feel really uncomfortable now.

I Feel Overwhelmed

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 23:01:57 GMT

I have so much work to do and I feel really really overwhelmed. I just sitting here looking at this pile of pages I have to read and I just get sick just thinking about it. I have tried to read this stuff but for some reason I just cant get through it. When I read I feel like I am just saying the works and not really reading because after I have "read" a sentence I have to go back and read it again because I didnt understand what I read. I am so frustrated right now. None of this makes any sense to me. I read entire paragraphs and still have no idea what was said in them. I dont know what I will do tomorrow when we have to discuss some of this stuff. Luckily its a big class so I can just sort of hide in the back and not say anything, but since participation is part of the grade I will only be hurting myself. *sigh*

Another Uneventful Day

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 00:54:04 GMT

Well nothing really happened today, but them again nothing really happens anyday. I got up at 11, went for a walk around the brain, took a shower, got some breakfast(eggwhite omelette with veggies and cheddar), went poster shopping with my roommate, came back to campus ate dinner(kashi pizza), watched TV and here I am online. That is literally EVERYTHING I did today. What kinda life is this? I am 19 years old, I should be out having fun. These are supposed to be the best years of my life but I am sitting here wasting away. Other people are out having fun with their friends, going on dates and what not and here I am doing nothing. Thinking about my life depressed me. I seriously need to turn my "life" around.

Just An Overall

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 14:04:20 GMT

My life is really very very uneventful and I hate it. I really dont have anything much going on. I really need a place where I can be totally honest. I am usually pretty closed off and I want to be able to be open. WARNING If you are one of those people who are all into grammar, punctuation and spelling then you might want to skip over this. This is my journal, not an english paper so I wont be proof reading.

Health: I am currently in the process of removing 30lbs. I am about 5 foot 4 and weigh about 152lbs which makes my BMI about 26.1 which makes me technically overweight even though I dont really look it. I want to get down to 120-126.

Social Life: Non existant. I dont have many, did I say many I meant any friends and I am very very lonely. I know a lot of people think that is strange considering I an currently in university and there are tons and tons of people around me but for reason I cant seem to connect with anyone more than just a hello and the occasional chat before class. It so weird, making friends seems so effortless for everyone else but for me its damn near impossibe. I know its not becasue I am a bad person because people talk to me its just, I cant seem to make the realtionship grow any further than that. What is wrong with me? I do participate in activities and when I am there people talk to me but I dont have anyone to call on the phone when I am upset or anyone to just call up and han out with when I am bored. Why is that. It actually kinda embarrasing cause my roommate's phone keeps ringing all day long and mine is silent save for the occasional call from my mom. Its not that I dont want friends, I do, I really really do its just that I just cant seem to do it.

Relationships: Im19 years old, never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never done any of that stuff. Again its not that I dont want these things its just that I just cant manage to get them. *sigh*

School: Im not doing that well in school. I'm not stupid just lazy. I am a huge procrastinator. I have attempted to change my ways so many times; I have now given up. Now I know what you are thinking, if you dont have any friends or any sort of life then what the hell do you do causes you to procrastinate. The answer is nothing, that right nothing. I sit around and do nothing all damn day. The thing is I am smart and even with minimal efffort or no effort I still manage is do ok in my classes so I cant imagine what I would do if I actually worked. But as I mentioned before, I am too damn lazy to find out. *sigh*

I dont want to come off as some sad, pathetic person who sits and complains all day. I am just trying to tell the truth for the first time in my life.

My First Entry

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:29:21 GMT

Hmmmm. What to say, what to say. I think this is going to be a very very good thing for me.